I've emailed everyone who left me an email addy. If you left me a comment, but have not heard from me, can you check that you left me an email addy, as I had a few comments that didn't. And there's a lot happening in my little girls life, she's kept me very busy to say the very least over the last few weeks. Email me and I'll see you on the other side :)

Just a quick update:

I need to password protect my blog for a while. I have absolutly no problems with any of you girls, scrapping friends, photography friends, blogging friends or clients who pop in here whether it's often, or just every now and then. The reasons for needing to do this are just to protect my family for a while. I'd really love to share family life with you all still, especially updates on Amelia as she grows. So can you please, please email me or leave a comment with your email addy (the one you use to access blogger).

I'll leave this post up for a week, and there'll be no updates until after it's locked. So please let me know your details. It makes me sad to not be able to share for a while, but at the moment it just has to be done.

Surprise - She's here!!

Amelia Kate Toland

6.26am 24th January 2009

2640g

(35 weeks gest)

I woke up at 3am Wednesday, suspicious that my waters might have broken... but in a bit of denial too. Took me an hour to decide that they actually had, and yes those pains are contractions Katie! I called the hospital and they wanted me in straight away as I was only 34 weeks, and hadn't had the group B strep swab done (it's done at 36 weeks). Went in and got checked over. Wasn't dialated at all which was good, but was having strong regular contractions. They thought she'd come that day, but hoped we could hold her in until 36 weeks. They started me on IV antibiotics as a precausion and took the swab. Told me only 1 in 800 swabs come back positive. So we waited, and waited and waited for the swab results to come back. I stayed in hospital on antibiotics. Friday afternoon we were waiting for the ok to go home on oral antibiotics and just come in each day for monitoring when at 4pm my midwife came in. "You're positive, Ob is on the way, you're having your baby now". Bit shocked over the whole thing we had about 2 mins to make some phone calls to check the kids were looked after and then it was on. They gave me the jell at 4.30pm and the drip went in at 11pm. Labour was pretty yuck. Not at all like the boys, which just felt so natural and right. Her's was scary. She had to be monitored every minute of labour. Her heartrate dropped very low quite a few times. I was told if she came out crying I could have a quick cuddle before she was taken away to Special Care. If she wasn't crying she'd just be taken. She did come out crying at 6.26am, and I got to have about a minute cuddle while they put the tags on her, but then they didn't like the way she was breathing and she was taken. Brett followed the peads up to the nursery and stayed with her while I was fixed up.She had chest Xrays, blood tests, IV antibiotics and IV fluids and glucose. My poor tiny darling was like a pin cushion wrapped up in wires. I went back to my room and slept for 2hours before being woken by the pead, saying they thought she had a problem with her lungs common in StrepB babies, where her lungs could collapse, and to prepare myself that she may be taken to Monash or Royal Childrens. Thankfully she did ok with the oxygen they could give her in her isolette and by the next morning they'd be able to get her back to regular air. Over 24hours had passed and I'd only touched her for those few short seconds in the begining, and Brett had not touched her at all. We felt so helpless, all we could do was sit by her isolette and watch her (and pray for her of course). There were wires, and tubes and computers and things beeping and alarms ringing and none of it made any sense to us. By lunchtime (Sunday) she was doing well, her breathing had picked up really well and they were happy with it. She was responding so quickly that they were fairly sure she didn't have the lung problem they'd originally suspected, but want to keep her on the AB's for 5 days as a precausion. They started to give her some colostrum I'd been expressing, via her nose tube (she can't suck yet). The first bit she tolerated well, but as the amount went up she she started to vomit more and more. So this morning (monday) it was decided to up her iv fluids again, and cut her milk intake back to 3ml every 2hrs. They say that it's just that her gut is too immature to tolerate the milk at the moment, and it's just a matter of waiting until she can tolerate it. They're still doing blood tests every day (well a few times a day really) and are watching how jaundiced she gets at the moment, and whether she'll need to go under lights as well.Late last night as I left my room to take her milk up to the nursery I ran into her nurse in the hallway comming to get me. My heart dropped that something was wrong with her, but she told me she'd come to see if I wanted to have a cuddle of her. As she put her in my arms I just burst into tears. To finally be able to hold her was just magic. Although she was still a tangle of wires and was connected to almost every piece of equipment in the room, it was so wonderful to be able to feel how soft her hair was, how smooth her skin is. To kiss her little forehead and smell her delicious baby scent. All the things I just took for granted with the boys.So as of a few hours ago... we're home... without our little girl. But I know that's just the way it has to be. She needs care that I just can't provide for her. (And I know there are a million other things that I've forgotten to include. Will add more piccies later.)

Haming it up for the camera :) Lasted all of 3 seconds, but I got a few shots of him. Fish and chips on the beach for dinner. Pretty perfect end to the day. We also ended up running in to friends at the fish and chip shop so they also came down. The kiddo's all had a ball until the sun went down.

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These photos are getting a little Ethan heavy... but Liam's getting very hard to catch these days! My cheeky muffin and his crazy faces.

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This time last year he was still my baby! And now... no training wheels? Time just goes by so fast, and he's just growing up waaaay to fast.

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cupcake anyone?

Ethan decided to help himself to a mini cupcake from the freezer, but thought he'd just warm it up for a little while first.... like an hour!

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Friday night - woodfired pizza night.

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Just a single photo today... but an everyday moment for sure.

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A play at the park with cousins. We got there before the cousins so I managed to get a few pics. Chasing two kids around the park is definatly a lot harder being 8mths preg. Ducking down, hopping back up, changing direction... all a lot harder with a little human wedged in your pelvis.

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After a hard day of fort building and testing.

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Playing Diego (Ethan's Christmas present).

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Bit behind. Had a few days of feeling not so great. Still took the pics though.

The boys, playing in their new/still being built fort. It's completed a bit more now, but still got a little bit to go. Isn't my hubby so clever :) It's the boys christmas present from Brett and I. They just love it. This night they pulled a pillow and blanket out and dragged it up there. They were all ready for a sleep out. Playing so well together. They didn't realise I was taking pics for a few minutes. Then the silly faces started. Boys huh.